Remember when you had 100 things to talk about. When Ron and I were dating, I could not wait for a call from him so that we could connect about our day. In fact, one day I was sitting in my apartment on my favorite blue and yellow plaid couch with one foot curled under me when the phone rang. I just knew that it was Ron so I jumped up to run for the phone longing for long conversation in which we learned more about each other.
Couples often tell our marriage counselors at Texas Marriage Retreat they have basically been reduced to living as[spacer height=”5px”] roommates coexisting in the same house. They state that they “just don’t feel in love anymore.” Can you relate? What [spacer height=”5px”]can you do?[spacer height=”5px”]
Our couples have found it helpful to start now as they did then with a conversation. Yes, just start talking. Research[spacer height=”5px”] science shows that the more you know about someone the more connected you feel. When you talk about something[spacer height=”5px”] that matters and the other person gets it, chemicals are released, such as oxytocin that bond you together. “But what [spacer height=”5px”]do we talk about,” you ask?[spacer height=”5px”]
We have gathered 100 topics or questions to discuss. Here is a hint to make this more meaningful: Use lots of detail in[spacer height=”5px”] discussing and include your thoughts and feelings around the topic or timing of the topic.[spacer height=”15px”]
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?[spacer height=”5px”]
2. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?[spacer height=”5px”]
3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?[spacer height=”5px”]
4. Would you like to be famous? How?[spacer height=”5px”]
5. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? [spacer height=”5px”]
6. What would constitute a perfect day for you? [spacer height=”5px”]
7. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” [spacer height=”5px”]
8. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? [spacer height=”5px”]
9. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either [spacer height=”5px”] the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of [spacer height=”5px”]your life, which would you choose? [spacer height=”5px”]
10. Do you have a secret feeling about how you will die? [spacer height=”5px”]
11. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. [spacer height=”5px”]
12. What is your most treasured memory?[spacer height=”5px”]
13. What is your most terrible memory?[spacer height=”5px”]
14. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?[spacer height=”5px”]
15. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in [spacer height=”5px”]as much detail as possible.[spacer height=”5px”]
16. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly,[spacer height=”5px”] would you change anything about the way you are now[spacer height=”5px”] living? Why?[spacer height=”5px”]
17. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
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18. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to [spacer height=”5px”]know?[spacer height=”5px”]
19. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?[spacer height=”5px”]
20. What do you value most in a friendship?[spacer height=”5px”]
21. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to[spacer height=”5px”] safely make a final rush to save any one item. What would it be? Why?[spacer height=”5px”]
22. What does friendship mean to you?[spacer height=”5px”]
23. What role does love play in your life?[spacer height=”5px”]
24. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of three items.[spacer height=”5px”]
25. How close and nurturing is your family? [spacer height=”5px”]
26. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?[spacer height=”5px”]
27. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”[spacer height=”5px”]
28. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.[spacer height=”5px”]
29. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.[spacer height=”5px”]
30. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.[spacer height=”5px”]
31. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?[spacer height=”5px”]
How did you pretend as a child? Were you a superhero, a teacher, or something else?[spacer height=”5px”]
32. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.[spacer height=”5px”]
33. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?[spacer height=”5px”]
34. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?[spacer height=”5px”]
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?[spacer height=”5px”]
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.[spacer height=”5px”]
37. What’s your biggest fear?[spacer height=”5px”]
38. If you had to pick any character in a book, movie or TV show that is most similar to you, whom would you choose? Why?[spacer height=”5px”]
39. If you were to describe yourself as a metaphor (I am like _____ because______), what would it be?[spacer height=”5px”]
40. What’s your biggest regret?[spacer height=”5px”]
41. When you were growing up what was your dream job? Is any part of that
still true?[spacer height=”5px”]
42. Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?[spacer height=”5px”]
43. Best Halloween costume you ever had?[spacer height=”5px”]
44. Best Halloween costume you’ve ever seen?[spacer height=”5px”]
45. Do you like haunted houses or scary rides?[spacer height=”5px”]
46. Best Christmas memory you have ever had?[spacer height=”5px”]
47. What’s an ideal Christmas for you?[spacer height=”5px”]
48. How do you want to celebrate your birthday?[spacer height=”5px”]
49. What was the best birthday you ever had?[spacer height=”5px”]
50. What was the best birthday gift you ever had?[spacer height=”5px”]
51. If you could play an instrument, which would it be?[spacer height=”5px”]
52. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?[spacer height=”5px”]
53. Talk about the plot of your favorite movie and why it resonates with you.[spacer height=”5px”]
54. Who have you learned the most from in your life? What would you like to teach others?[spacer height=”5px”]
55. What was a typical summer day like in your childhood?[spacer height=”5px”]
56. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Why?[spacer height=”5px”]
57. Has there been a piece of art that has really spoken to you? This could be a painting, a poem, a book, a song, etc.[spacer height=”5px”]
58. If anything were possible, would you choose a different line of work? [spacer height=”5px”]
59. What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done?[spacer height=”5px”]
60. If you could tell your 18-year-old self 1 piece of advice, what would it be?[spacer height=”5px”]
61. What has surprised you about your life?[spacer height=”5px”]
62. If you could live in any time period, when would that be?[spacer height=”5px”]
63. Describe a time when you felt really loved by your partner.[spacer height=”5px”]
64. What places in your past do you appreciate now from a distance?[spacer height=”5px”]
65. What’s one thing you’re deeply proud of — but would never put on your résumé?[spacer height=”5px”]
66. What’s something you’ve tried, that you’ll never, ever try again?[spacer height=”5px”]
67. What’s the best birthday cake you ever ate?[spacer height=”5px”]
68. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?[spacer height=”5px”]
69. What’s the hardest thing you ever had to write — and why?[spacer height=”5px”]
70. What’s the last book that you couldn’t put down?[spacer height=”5px”]
80. What’s the most out-of-character choice you’ve ever made?[spacer height=”5px”]
81. What’s the strangest date you’ve ever been on?[spacer height=”5px”]
82. What’s the title of your future memoir?[spacer height=”5px”]
83. What’s the worst piece of advice you’ve ever been given?[spacer height=”5px”]
84. What’s your definition of an ideal houseguest?[spacer height=”5px”]
85. What’s your guiltiest of guilty pleasures?[spacer height=”5px”]
86. What’s your most urgent priority for the rest of the year?[spacer height=”5px”]
87. What’s your personal anthem or theme song?[spacer height=”5px”]
88. When was the last time you astonished yourself?[spacer height=”5px”]
89. When was the last time you got stuck in a rut? How did you get out of it?[spacer height=”5px”]
90. When was the last time you saw an animal in the wild?[spacer height=”5px”]
91. When you see peers / competitors getting things you want, how do you react?[spacer height=”5px”]
92. Where & when do you get your best ideas?[spacer height=”5px”]
93. Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?[spacer height=”5px”]
94. Would you like to write a book? (About what?)[spacer height=”5px”]
95. Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot?[spacer height=”5px”]
96. Would you rather have a live-in massage therapist, or a live-in chef?[spacer height=”5px”]
97. Would you rather have an extra $200 a day, or an extra 2 hours a day?[spacer height=”5px”]
98. If you could spend an extra $100 a week on yourself, how would you spend it?[spacer height=”5px”]
99. Are there any social laws or rules that completely baffle you?[spacer height=”5px”]
And of course[spacer height=”5px”]
100. What are you most grateful for in this moment?[spacer height=”5px”]
Aren’t these great? Do you have any of your own? We would love to hear them in the comments. Also, if you have some of these conversations, comment and tell how those go as well.[spacer height=”5px”]
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